Did you hear the one about?
A boy asks his father if he can borrow the family car. The father replies, “No, not until you cut your hair.”
The boy then said, “But father … Jesus had long hair!”
“Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere,” the father retorted.
A small child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up, “Don’t pay for me daddy, I’m under five.”
After Mass one Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mum, I’ve decided to become a priest when I grow up.”
“That’s okay but what made you decide that?” she asked.
“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit down and listen.”
The priest was greeting people at the door after Mass when a woman approached and said, “Father, that was a good sermon.”
The priest replied, “Oh, I have to give credit to the Holy Spirit.”
“It wasn’t that good,” exclaimed the woman.
How cold was it the other day?
So cold the diocesan director of development had his hands in his own pockets.
A boy walked up to the priest after Mass and handed him a one-dollar coin. The priest told him he should give the money to the poor.
The boy replied, “That’s why I gave you the dollar, Father, because my dad says you’re the poorest preacher we’ve ever had.”
A mother with a fidgety seven-year-old son in Mass told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, Father is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!”
It was the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class: “If anyone wants to go to the toilet, they should hold up their hand.”
There was a moment’s silence and then a little boy asked: “How will that help?”
Answers in a primary school history test:
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.
Courtesy of the Book of Catholic Jokes – Confirmed Funny by Deacon Tom Sheridan