Majellan Jokes

After returning from communion at Sunday morning Mass, a woman asked a man at the end of the pew, “Excuse me, did I step on your foot when I got up to go to communion?”

The man, obviously expecting an apology, replied rather curtly, “Yes, you did.”

The woman smiled and said, “Good. Then this is my pew.”

* * *

The Catholic school teacher asked her Year 5 pupils, “What does God do for a living?”

“That’s easy,” said Jamie. “He’s a painter. Just look at all the beauty in the world.”

“That’s a very creative answer, Jamie,” said the teacher. “The world is certainly a piece of art.”

“And God paints using his left hand,” Jamie continued.

Perplexed, the teacher said, “Why, Jamie, whatever do you mean? Why do you think God uses only his left hand?”

“Because you told us Jesus was sitting on his right hand.”

* * *

The trouble with people who rise to the occasion is getting them to sit down again.

* * *

When everything is coming your way, you’re probably in a one-way street.

* * *

Mrs Anderson looked at her long-time friend Mrs Bradley and said, “Goodness, dear! What have you done with your hair? It looks just like a wig!”

Somewhat embarrassed, Mrs Bradley confessed, “Actually, it is a wig.”

“Really?” said Mrs Anderson. “Well, you certainly can’t tell!”

* * *

At a pre-baptism class, the parish priest asked the group of parents, “Name two things that the Church says are required for baptism.”

From the back of the room came a voice: “Water and a baby.”

* * *

Son: “Dad, do you think you could write in the dark?”

Dad: “I reckon I could.”

Son: “Let’s try it. I’ll turn off the light and you try and write you signature on my report card.”

* * *

During the first session of a pre-marriage counselling session, the parish priest asked the engaged couple to fill out a questionnaire.

As the couple answered the questions separately, they both came to the last question that said, “Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?”

Before the soon-to-be husband could answer, his future wife leaned over and whispered, “Say yes.”

* * *

 

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