A Texan rancher travels to Australia for a holiday. There he meets an Aussie farmer.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the station, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation almost dies when the Texan sees a mob of kangaroos hopping through a paddock.

He asks, “And what are those?”

Incredulously, the Aussie replies, “Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”

What’s the funniest fact about Australia?

Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also our biggest import.

Why is Australia so dry?

No monarchy can reign here.

Why is Australia’s construction industry a constant, never-ending joke?

It’s always a work in progress.

What’s the difference between yoghurt and Australia?

If you leave yogurt on its own for a while, it develops its own culture.

How can you tell if you are attending an Australian Baptism or a funeral?

The funeral will have one less drunk Australian.

A British man arrives at the Sydney international airport from London. The Australian immigration worker was reviewing his documents and asked if he had a criminal record. The British man responded, “No. Is that still required?”