Have you heard the one about

A Jesuit priest was out for a drive during a storm one night when the streetlights went out after a bolt of lightning hit the local power station. The priest decided to return home when he accidentally hit another car which by pure chance was being driven by a Franciscan. Being devoutly religious, both men apologised insisting it was their fault.

Concerned, the Jesuit said, “You look badly shaken up, Father. You could probably use a stiff drink right now to calm the nerves.”

He produced a flask, and the Franciscan drank from it and said, “Thank you, Father, I feel much better now. But you’re probably shaken up too. Why don’t you have a drink as well?”

“I will,” the Jesuit replied, “but I think I’ll wait until after the police have arrived and breath tested us both.”

After a long and devoted life as a parish priest Father O’Reilly died and went to heaven. When he arrived, St Peter gave him a wooden staff, a plain cotton gown and sent him down to the back of heaven. The next person who arrived in heaven was an airline pilot and St Peter issued him with a bejewelled staff, a golden robe and escorted him right up the front! Poor Father O’Reilly couldn’t work out why he was not more favoured after his long life serving his parishioners, so he asked St Peter. St Peter said, “Well Father, we work on results here. When you stood up to give a homily, most of your parishioners fell asleep. When that pilot climbed into the cockpit to take off, all his passenger prayed!

A pair of father and son electrical outlets were walking down the street when the son brushed against someone and zinged them with a jolt of static electricity. Looking prouder than ever, the father outlet said, “That’s my boy — a chip off the old shock!”

Lightbulb moments

How many consultants do you need to change a lightbulb?

You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.

Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?

The guy planted a light bulb and thought he’d get a power plant.

Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?

People weren’t sure how to feel after its shocking ending.

Why do fluorescent lights always hum?

Because they can never remember the words.

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