1 March 2021
Have you heard the one about
* * *
A motorist following a taillight in dense fog crashed into the car ahead of him when it stopped suddenly.
“Why didn’t you let me know when you were going to stop?” he yelled into the mist.
“Why should I?” came a voice from the fog. “I’m in my own garage.”
* * *
An Augustinian, a Franciscan and a Jesuit die and end up at the Pearly gates together. Jesus asks each, “If you could go back, what would you change?”
The Augustinian ponders for a minute and says, “There’s so much sin in the world. If I went back, I’d try and make people behave better.”
The Franciscan says, “There’s so much poverty in the world. If I went back, I’d try and get people to share more of their wealth with the poor.”
The Jesuit looks at Jesus and quickly replies, “If I went back, I’d change doctors.”
* * *
A religious education teacher challenged the children to take some time on Sunday afternoon following Mass to write a letter to God. They were told to bring their letter back the following week. One little boy wrote, “Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there.”
* * *
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, “Do you have health insurance?”
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked a second question, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
The nun then asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?”
He thought for a moment, then said, “I only have a spinster sister who is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and said loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
* * *
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Courtesy Father Jim Clarke’s old Irish Joke Book