I’m not okay

Realistically, it is impossible to prevent all suicides, but it is reassuring to know there are many organisations working tirelessly to provide invaluable support and advice to those facing mental health challenges.

For the past two decades, Beyond Blue has provided a beacon of light in the darkness; offering a safe and reliable place for millions of people to access information, advice, support and above all else, hope.

Kate McCumstie knows only too well the important role Beyond Blue plays in the community and believes her interactions with the organisation have helped get her life back on track. Now 25, she has turned to the mental health organisation for support during three key periods of her life, including at the lowest of lows when she attempted to end her life.

“Looking back, my mental health challenges began around the age of 11 after returning from a Girl Guides camp,” Kate explains. “I developed significant separation anxiety and experienced what I now know are panic attacks, particularly during sleepovers. I reached out to Beyond Blue through the online chat and through reading their forums, trying to make sense of what I was feeling.”

A few years later she again sought support through the organisation’s “amazing” online resources.

“When I was 16 things escalated, and I changed schools,” she says. “I was overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness that I couldn’t really explain. I cried a lot and felt a really deep depression and my thoughts grew really dark. I made an attempt on my life and not long after, a peer from my previous school died by suicide.”

Kate says that event “shattered” her.

“I felt responsible, as though I should have known or done something. I turned to Beyond Blue again, feeling like no-one in my life really understood how bad things were. I remember lying in bed talking to someone on their online chat. I didn’t really need advice; I just wanted someone to listen – and they did.”

Two years later, the stresses of Year 12 studies took their toll and Kate’s symptoms returned. She found herself experiencing regular panic attacks and was crying constantly. “I even blacked out in one of my exams from the sheer stress,” she recalls. “Once again I was turning to Beyond Blue for the same online chats and forums to find some support.”

She explains at that stage of her life making a phone call to talk about her feelings person-to-person was just too “overwhelming”.

“The online chat with the licensed counsellors on the other side was the best way I could seek help. Besides offering a listening ear they would suggest calming strategies like breathing, going for walks, colouring-in and encouraging me to reach out to people in my life.

“I found the forums that they have were particularly helpful. Reading other people’s stories made me feel less alone, especially when you feel like you are going a little bit crazy and you are the only one. It was really nice to hear that that wasn’t the case.

“Truthfully, more than anything, I wanted someone to listen without judgement or trying to fix me – and that’s what they offer.”

After completing school Kate decided to study psychology and now she uses her own experiences to support others. “I often work with teenagers and young people who are in the situation I was in and it’s really rewarding,” she says.

While she masked a lot of her symptoms so her family wasn’t aware of what she was experiencing, Kate is so grateful they now have open conversations about her mental health challenges. She often reflects on her suicide attempt, how things could have been so different, and what life would have been like for her loved ones.

Kate’s best advice to others who find themselves needing support is to ask for help. “Speak to your GP, reach out to an online service like Beyond Blue or talk to someone you trust: a family member, a friend, colleague, anyone,” she stresses.

“It’s not a sign of weakness, it is an act of courage. I think my clients are some of the bravest people I’ve ever met, and I’m continually inspired by them and their ability to seek help.”

She adds if you are concerned that a friend, family member or colleague is struggling it is important to ask them if they are OK. “If someone had asked me that when I was 16 or 17, I would have told them how bad it was,” she reveals. “But no-one directly asks because I think no-one knows how to respond. All they need to do is listen.”

Now working as a psychologist in Newcastle, Kate enjoys a life filled with family, friends, pilates, gym workouts, art, and “hanging out with her dogs”.

“Life is very good now,” she declares. “Like me, everyone is deserving of support – and I am living proof that things get better.”

On September 10, communities, organisations and governments throughout Australia and around the world will mark World Suicide Prevention Day. It is a time to reflect, connect and recommit on the shared goal of preventing suicide and spreading hope.

The free Beyond Blue Support Service offers free counselling, advice and referrals via phone, webchat or email. To talk to a mental health professional at any time of day or night, call 1300 22 46 36. Online forums and free web chat is also available 24/7 at beyondblue.org.au/get-support 

Second image: Kate McCumstie enjoying happier times.

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