Majellan Jokes

A young man and his grandfather were playing golf. The young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large tree between his ball and the green.

“You know,” his grandfather said, “when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge put before him, the young man swung hard and hit the ball which smacked straight into the tree and then dropped to the ground.

“Of course,” the grandfather continued, “when I was your age, that tree was a lot smaller.”

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Very polite person to lift attendant: “I’d be grateful if you could let me off at the sixth floor – if it isn’t out of your way.”

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“Did the doctor cure you of seeing those spots in front of your eyes?”

“No, but now I’m seeing the spots more clearly.”

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A little boy was sitting watching his Dad working on the car. The boy noticed that his father had a few grey hairs and he asked: “Dad, why are some of your hairs white?”

His father answered, “Well, son, every time you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The boy thought for a while and then said, “How come all of Grandpa’s hairs are white?”

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A carpenter who had been stealing timber for years finally went to confession. “I’m a carpenter, Father and I’ve stolen a lot of timber from my boss.”

The priest said, “For your penance I’d like you to make a novena.”

The carpenter answered, “I’ve never made one before, Father, but if you’ve got the plans, I’ve got the timber.”

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Psychiatrists claim that talking cures a lot of troubles, but it’s also true that talking started a lot of them in the first place.

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A man on crutches at a ski resort was talking about his accident: “I just didn’t realise that the laws of gravity were so strict.”

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Middle age is when your knees buckle and your belt doesn’t.

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If you really want the last word in an argument, try saying, “I guess you’re right.”

You can always tell when people are well informed. Their views are the same as yours.

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The second day of a diet is not as hard. By that time you’ve given it up.

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