Every September there is a football match between the accounts department and the marketing department and every year the accounts department wins. Far from being a good loser the marketing department were slightly miffed so put out a memo with its own take on the season: “The marketing department is pleased to announce that for the 2022 football season, we came in second place, having lost just one game all year. The accounts department, however, had a dismal season, winning only one game.”
“Do you know your alphabet?”
“Well, what comes after G?”
“And what do you think comes after Whizz?”
The attractive woman was standing near the bus stop when a new Porsche pulled up at the kerb in front of her. A well-groomed gentleman with a long moustache smiled confidently and said, “Hello, I’m heading north to Queensland.”
“How wonderful,” said the woman indifferently. “Bring me back a pineapple.”
A truck carrying hundreds of dictionaries and thesauruses lost its load as it turned a corner sharply. The books scattered all over the road. Several bystanders were interviewed by reporters for the TV news. They said they were “startled”, “shocked”, “stunned”, “unnerved”, “shaken” “frightened”, “astonished”, “dumbfounded”, “stupefied”, “jolted” and even “flabbergasted” by the accident.
A magician was performing on a cruise ship. But every time he did a trick, a little boy in the audience would call out, “That’s easy. I know how he did that!”
One evening in the middle of a performance there was a storm and the ship sank. The little boy and the magician ended up in the same lifeboat. For a while they just glared at one another. Finally, the little boy said, “All right, smarty pants. I give up. What did you do with the ship?”
Luke brought home his report card. Looking at his marks his father was far from pleased and said, “Why can’t you be more like Tom Reynolds? He’s always at the top of the class.”
“But, dad,” said Luke, “you have to remember, he’s got really smart parents.”
A mother yelled out to her son, “Steve, last night there were two pieces of custard pie in the fridge and now there is one. Please explain!”
Steve said, “Sorry mum, my mistake. I didn’t see the last piece.”
Little Amy and her mother were at the corner lolly shop. The woman behind the counter gave Amy a chocolate.
There was a brief silence then her mother said, “What do you say, Amy?”
“Charge it to my mother’s account!” Amy retorted.
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