Majellan Jokes

Majellan jokes have been a family favourite with our readers for many years.

Two elderly ladies were discussing their husbands’ unhealthy habits over afternoon tea.

“I do wish George would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous,” said the first woman.

“My Leonard used to do the same thing,” the second woman replied, “but I broke him of the habit.”


“I hid his teeth.”

A couple of volunteers from the St Vincent de Paul Society were delivering food parcels to some neighbours following a fierce storm which knocked out the town’s electricity supplies. When they arrived at the home of the two sisters who were aged in their nineties, they were surprised to see the women sitting in their car in the driveway. When asked where they were going, they smiled and said, “We’re going to visit the elderly.”

Age had taken its toll on her body so when the local parish organised fitness classes the elderly woman quickly signed up. However, she was soon disappointed and quit. When asked what the issue was, she said, “It was so frustrating. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for more than an hour. But by the time I got my leotard on the class was over.”

On the way home from Mass one Sunday morning a married couple quarrelled badly. The wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

The husband replied, “Yes dear but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

A young couple had only been married for several weeks and just returned from their honeymoon when the wife said to her husband, “I have great news. Pretty soon, there’s going to be three in the house instead of two.”

Her husband’s face lit up. “That’s wonderful news honey. I’m thrilled.”

“I’m so glad you feel that way about my mother moving in.”

Peter and Molly had been married for almost 50 years and were blessed with 10 children and 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together for so long, Molly said, “That’s easy. Many years ago we made a promise to each other. The first to pack up and leave had to take all the kids.”

Mick who was aged in his 80s was talking to his parish priest after Mass.

Mick said, “When you get to my age Father, you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter.”

“It’s pretty normal to think about life after death,” replied the priest.

“Well, that’s not exactly what I meant,” said Mick. “I often find myself going into a room and wondering what I came in here after.”


Re-released music list for the senior citizens’ parish party

  1. How Can You Mend a Broken Hip? by the Bee Gees
  2. The First Time Ever I forgot Your Face by Roberta Flack
  3. I Can’t See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash
  4. These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra
  5. Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom by the Commodores
  6. Rikki, Don’t Lose Your Car Keys by Steely Dan
  7. Mrs Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker by Herman’s Hermits
  8. Talkin’ Bout My Medication by the Who
  9. You’re So Varicose Vein by Carly Simon

 Courtesy Book of Catholic Jokes by Deacon Tom Sheridan

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