Majellan Jokes

How is summer like Christmas? ’Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.

* * *

How do you prevent a summer cold? Catch it in winter.

* * *

Why do bees stay in their hives during the summer? It’s too hot to bee outside.

* * *

“Hello, police department? I’ve lost my cat.”

“Sorry, sir, but we’re very busy at the moment. Looking for a cat is not a job for the police.”

“I’m afraid you don’t understand. This is a very rare cat, very intelligent. He’s almost human. He can practically talk.”

“In that case, sir, maybe you’d better hang up. He might be trying to call you right now.”

* * *

A new employee was filling out a form in the factory. He was puzzled by one question: ‘Who should we notify in case of accident?’

He wrote: “Anybody who’s close by!”

* * *

A plane had flown through a thunderstorm and when they landed a much-relieved passenger said to the flight attendant: “Thanks for the rides.”

“What do you mean ‘rides’? It was just the one flight.”

“As I see it, I’ve had two. I’ve just had my first and my last ride in a plane!”

* * *

Why did the man put his money in the freezer during summer? He wanted cold hard cash.

* * *

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to summer camp? In case he got a hole in one.

* * *

What did the fisherman say when his fishing line got tangled? Something a-piers to be wrong.

* * *

The biggest surprise you can give your wife on your wedding anniversary is to remember it.

Friend: “You must be leading an awful life – unwelcome wherever you go.”

Bill collector: “Oh, I don’t know. Nearly everyone asks me to come back again.”

* * *

In the army camp, there was a complaint about the bread, and the officer of the day was annoyed.

“If Napoleon had that bread when he was retreating from Moscow, he would have been thankful and eaten it with pleasure,” he shouted.

“Yeah,” murmured one of the ranks at the back, “but it was fresh then.”

* * *

Answering the doctor’s buzzer, the receptionist said:

“Doctor, the patient says he is in the middle of a magazine article and he will see you in a few minutes.”

 

We encourage you to share and use this material on your own website. However, when using materials from Majellan Media’s website, please include the following in your citation:  Sourced from www.majellan.media