Viewpoint

In the last issue I wrote about people who had sadly died through no fault of their own. One man was hit by an alleged hit and run driver; the female aid worker who died at the hands of an Israeli drone attack; and the six people stabbed at a Sydney shopping centre. All were terrible tragedies. All were innocent victims in the wrong place at the wrong time.

There is also the ‘other’ sadnesses that afflicts us at different times. The death of a loved one through old age or illness. We can’t always prepare for such an event, but we know it will happen at some stage. It’s inevitable. It’s life.

Such was my lot when two of my five siblings suddenly passed away. No sooner had we buried one brother than three weeks later the youngest in the family passed away. And less than a month after the second funeral a third brother of mine was diagnosed with cancer. At this stage his long-term prospects are uncertain.

The shock of losing two family members in such a short space of time was profound. The youngest had been battling cancer for several years so his passing was not a surprise but the death of the second eldest came as a big shock.

As our family gathered for the funerals, we tried to comprehend life without them. Our family was very close growing up, thanks to caring parents who always provided love and support to all of their six children. Mum and Dad had no favourites; we were all treated equally.

When you are dealing with such emotional turmoil, the little things in life become so inconsequential. Why fret about the internet going down, another increase in the electricity bill or the next-door neighbour’s dog barking late into the night? There is more to life, much more, including family and friends. 

Especially family who are so important when trying to navigate life’s challenges.

Everyone deals with bereavement in their own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is personal. While it is often said that time heals, it can be a painful and rocky road.

Experts say there are five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
Denial can help us ‘survive’ and make sense of the loss while anger can make the progression to the next stage of the grieving process easier.

Bargaining with God is also normal. For example, “if you do this God, I will change that and never sin again” or “I will sign up for missions if you spare my loved one or friend.” Intense sadness, emptiness and guilt are also common.

Those mourning the loss of a loved one may begin to withdraw from social activities and the usual day-to-day things, but you can learn to live again. Just give it time. For those dealing with the pain of loss, every blessing to you and your family and may you gain strength from your faith and your loved ones.

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