As yesterday was the running of the race that stops the nation, here are some jokes with an equine flavour …

A bloke tells his mate, “I’ve got a horse running tomorrow. An absolute certainty. Put your house on it.”

“How did it go?” his mate asks the next day.

“Beautifully. Plenty of room in the stable for both of us.”

My wife said, “You’ve spent so much money on horse racing, you could have bought a house!”

I said, “I’ve bought several. Unfortunately, they all belong to the bookmaker.”

“Is your horse fast?” asked the buyer.

“Fast? He can finish a race in under two minutes.”

“That’s impressive!”

“Mind you, the others finish it in one.”

A bloke hears a horse call out, “Back me in the next race!”

Astonished, he puts $100 on it. The horse finishes last.

“What happened?” he demands.

The horse says, “Be reasonable. I’ve learnt to talk. Learning to gallop comes next!”

“For our anniversary,” a husband tells his wife, “I’ve named a racehorse after you.”

“How lovely! Does it ever win?”

“No, but it gives me a filthy look whenever I suggest it should hurry up.”

The trainer asks his jockey, “Why did you keep looking behind you?”

“I wanted to see what was coming.”

“And?”

“The next race.”

After losing on every race, a bloke asks the bookmaker, “Can you recommend anything?”

“Yes,” says the bookie. “A different hobby.”

“My horse finally came in!”

“Fantastic! What did it pay?”

“Nothing. The race was Saturday. It’s Tuesday.”

Have a joke to share?  Send it to editor@majellan.org.au