It is All Saints Day on Sunday. To celebrate the occasion, here are some funnies about saints

Three men meet Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates … St Peter demands that they recount their deeds in life!

The first man steps up. “I was a doctor,” he says. “I could’ve gone into private practice and made a lot of money, but I preferred to take care of the poor and impoverished. I like to think that I brought happiness into their lives.”

“Wonderful!” says St Peter. “Go in through the first door. Welcome!”

The second man says, “I was a lawyer. I could’ve made a lot of money working solely for the rich, but I spent my time assisting the poor and impoverished with their legal problems. I like to think I brought some happiness into their lives.”

“That’s beautiful! Go right in and take the first door!”

The third man approaches. “I was a comedian. I was very good at it and I made alot of people laugh. I could’ve made heaps of money in movies and TV, but I preferred the smaller clubs, brightening the lives of the poor and impoverished. I like to think I brought some happiness into their lives.”

“Great!” say St Peter. “Go right in. Take the second door, go through the kitchen, up the stairs and get ready. You’re on in five minutes!”

Every night, my whole life, I’d prayed to the saints to keep my family and home safe. Which is why when my house was destroyed in an earthquake my faith was badly shaken. The saints must have been distracted by something that day. I don’t want to point the finger at anyone in particular, but I can’t help feeling it must have been San Andreas’ fault.

What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?

“Everyone got their seat belts on?”

What did God say to Saint Peter, when giving him control of the weather?

“You have free rain!”

Did you hear about a saint who trains animals?

He taught his dog to heal.

Why did Saint Francis cry?

Someone called him Assisi.

Have a joke to share?  Send it to editor@majellan.org.au