A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”
“John,” the new seaman replied.
“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy rubbish they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?”
“Aye, Aye Chief!”
“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”
The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”
“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do.”

A woman was nearing the end of her tether. Every night her husband snored so loudly that it kept her awake. So, she decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering.

“Well, there is one thing I can do that will help your husband with his snoring and allow you to get a good night’s sleep,” said the doctor, “but I must warn you that it is rather expensive. There’s a deposit of $30,000 plus annual payments of $2000 for six years.”

“Good grief!” exclaimed the woman. “That sounds like I’m buying a yacht!”

“Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, eh?”

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