As we are deep into the football finals, let’s throw in a few jokes about sport …

Patient: Please doctor, you’ve got to help me with these nightmares!

Doctor: What type of dreams are you having?

Patient: I always dream of these awful rodents playing football. Seeing them crawl, tackle, squeal night after night right in front of me. It’s terrible! Do you have a remedy?

Doctor: Have I what! I’ve got the cure for you right here. This pill is so strong, so powerful, you will never have nightmares!

Patient: Ok great! Can I start taking the pill tomorrow night?

Doctor: Yes, but why not tonight?

Patient: Well, it’s just that the grand final is tonight.

Yesterday I had a huge barney with my wife. She complained I much prefer watching football matches instead of talking to her.”
“Oh I’m sorry … so how did it end up?”
“Tigers were 35-point winners.”

What’s the difference between a football match and a referendum?

 In a football match, the best team wins.

Why did the coach give his football team lighters?

They kept losing their matches.

My wife just left me. She says my life revolves around football and she’s sick of it. I’m quite upset. We were together for seven seasons.

Being a football fan means having a full emotional crisis each weekend and then waking up Monday ready to do it all again.

My favourite position in football is sitting on the couch with chips and beer and believing I could do a better job as coach.  

A good football game is like a great book because you never want the last chapter to end too early.

Have a joke to share?  Send it to editor@majellan.org.au