A man goes into a chemist and asks the pharmacist if he can have something for hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.

“What did you do that for?” the man asks, rubbing his reddening cheek.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?” asked the pharmacist with a smile.

“No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

An elderly woman visited a grocery store and requested seven kilograms of potatoes. The owner was delighted to help and started packing the potatoes. However, the woman stopped him and requested that each potato be wrapped individually.

The man complied and asked if there was anything else he could help with. The woman then requested four kilograms of onions to be wrapped in a similar manner. The shop owner packed the onions and asked if there was anything else.

The woman then requested seven kilograms of carrots.

“Let me guess,” said the owner with a sour face, “you want them wrapped individually.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful.” she said.

The shop owner did as he was asked and packed all her items in a bag.

The woman then said, “What are in those crates behind you?”

The man flushed red and said, “Madam, these are grapes and they are not for sale!”

A concerned senior citizen phoned her doctor. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor replied.

There was a moment of silence before the woman replied: “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REPEATS”.

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