A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, “Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?”

“Yes,” the professor answered sadly. “When I was a young candidate at Saint John’s Hospital, we played soccer against a team from the local community hospital, and I scored a goal, which was offside. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match and the tournament. I now regret my lack of honesty.”

“Well,” said the gatekeeper. “That is a very minor sin. You may enter.”

The relieved professor said, “Thank you very much, Saint Peter.”

“You’re welcome, but I am not Saint Peter,” said the gatekeeper. “He is having his lunch break. I’m Saint John.”

Fr Michael, the priest of Our Lady of Lourdes Parish, did not trust his newly ordained associate, Fr Philip. He found him a little on the slow side and was worried he might make some grave error during Mass. In the three months since the young priest had been assigned to his parish, Fr Michael had not let Fr Philip say a single Mass. A few home visits to administer to the sick and elderly but not one Mass! One Sunday morning, Fr Michael was too ill to get out of bed, so reluctantly allowed Fr Philip to say his first Mass. From his bed in the rectory, Fr Michael tried his best to hear what was going on during the Mass. Much to his chagrin, he could only hear the congregation singing and was unable to hear if Fr Philip was doing anything wrong. Eventually, he decided to get some sleep, using the Sanctus as his lullaby. Just as the Sanctus was ending and he was about to fall asleep, Fr Michael heard an explosion coming from the sanctuary. He sighed, saying, “Why didn’t I just tell him to use Eucharistic Prayer II? Why Oh why did I tell him to use the Roman Canon?”

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