What did one plate say to the other plate?
“Dinner’s on me.”

What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.

Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Why did the car get a flat tyre?

Because there was a fork in the road.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.

How did the Vikings communicate?
With Norse code.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

What kind of car does an egg drive?

A Yolkswagen.

What do you call a female chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A Chicken Caesar Salad.

Why don’t bananas ever get lonely?
Because they hang out in bunches.

What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
A ba-na-na-na.

What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays?
Unemployed.

What do you call 12 people doing the work of one?
A committee.

Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It caught a virus.

I was raised as an only child—and that got on my brother’s nerves.