A teddy bear was working on a building site. He went for a tea break and when he returned 15 minutes later, he noticed his pick had been stolen. The angry bear reported the theft to the site manager who grinned and said, “I forgot to tell you. Today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”

A common problem with smartphones is that when they are locked you often only see a one-sentence message. It is only fully revealed when you open the phone.

My wife recently texted, “I’m leaving you …”

I was horrified. I quickly opened my phone to read more “… after lunch to go shopping with my sister.”

Phew!

Why don’t we ever see the headline: ‘Psychic wins lottery’.

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavours and yet dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons.

Why you have to ‘put your two cents in’ but it’s a ‘penny for your thoughts’.

And whoever said English was a strange language was right. With common terminology like this who could disagree!  

Seriously funny 

Tragic comedy

Clearly confused         

Same difference

Only choice        

Growing smaller

Virtual reality    

Exact estimate

Living dead        

Walking dead

Deafening silence

Organised chaos

Have a joke to share?  Send it to editor@majellan.org.au