There were two brothers who were the most notorious criminals in a country town. When one of them died, the surviving brother went to the local priest and said, “I’ll donate $10 million to the church if you give the eulogy, but you have to say nice things and tell everyone  my brother was a SAINT.”

The priest scratched his head but finally said, “Ok, I’ll do it.”

The brother was pleasantly shocked that the priest agreed.

At the funeral the priest gets up and begins his eulogy, “… This man was a thief, a rapist, a liar and a crook.”

There’s a pause as the congregants look surprised. The priest continues, “There’s not one good thing I can say about him! Not one!”

The priest then stares at the brother in the front pew and in a loud voice says, “But compared to his brother, HE WAS A SAINT! Amen.”

🤣😂

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots in a cage and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars.”

“Why does the parrot cost so much?” asks the man.

The owner says, “Well the parrot knows how to use a computer.”

The man then asks about the parrot in the middle and is told it costs $1000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use Windows.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot, only to be told that it costs $2000 dollars. Needless to say, this begs the question, “What can it do?”

To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I have never seen it do anything, but the other two call him boss!”

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