One night, Mum hears noises downstairs at 2 in the morning. She wakes up her husband.

Mum: “I think someone broke into the house.”

Dad jumps out of bed and grabs the nearest weapon he can find … a mop.

They creep downstairs careful not to make a noise.

Dad whispers: “Stay behind me.”

Mum: “Be assured, I will.”

They reach the kitchen and turn on the light. Their teenage son, Justin, is eating shredded cheese straight from the bag, bits of cheese lining the floor.

Dad: “What are you doing?!”

Justin: “I was hungry.”

Mum: “At 2 in the morning?!”

Justin: “My body doesn’t read the time. It knows hunger.”

Dad notices every cabinet door is open. “Why are all the cupboards open?”

Justin: “I was looking for chips.”

Dad: “So close them!”

Justin: “I might need them again later.”

Dad takes a deep breath and opens the fridge. Inside is a small slice of pizza, barely enough for one mouthful.

Dad: “Who left this small amount of pizza?”

Justin: “I didn’t want to finish it in case someone else wanted some.”

Dad: “You have to be kidding. That’s emotional sabotage.”

Suddenly, Justin’s little sister, Jane, appears in the kitchen.

Jane: “Mum, Dad, look! Freddy is eating the lasagna.”

Everyone turns to the kitchen bench, Freddy the family labrador is looking mildly guilty, his whiskers stained with tomato.

Dad stares at his son and then at Freddy and sighs: “I understand now why some animals eat their young.”

And a couple more parent jokes …

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” 

“I love when my kids tell me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time.”

Why did the parent always carry a pencil? 

To draw the line with their kids.

What do you call a parent who always forgets things? 

A memory bank with too many withdrawals!

What do you call a parent who can’t find their phone? 

Disconnected.

Why did the parent go to school with their child? 

To make sure the teacher gets a taste of their own medicine!

Have a joke to share?  Send it to editor@majellan.org.au