To all the mums, Happy Mother’s Day!

Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day? Because Mum spent all day Saturday cleaning it.

When you finally have time for a girls’ night and realise your entire wardrobe went out of style in 2005.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby. Evidently that doesn’t work if the baby is yours.

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can’t drive anywhere.

I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

Mum’s recipe for iced coffee: “1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.”

“Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?”  “I don’t know, ask your grandma!”

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day.

“Please excuse the mess, my kids are making memories. Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess.”

“I love it when I find myself screaming ‘STOP SCREAMING’ at my kids. That’s how I teach them irony.”

“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.”

Kids are challenging. Wine is necessary.

When your children are teenagers, it is important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Have a joke to share?  Send it to editor@majellan.org.au