My wife said spring was the perfect time to get out into the garden. So I took my beer outside. Apparently, that wasn’t what she meant.

I love sleeping with the windows open in October. Nothing beats fresh air, birdsong, and a mosquito whispering, “You awake?”

Spring cleaning is going well. I’ve moved everything I don’t need into a different room where I still don’t need it.

October is when my lawn starts growing faster than my enthusiasm for mowing it.

I bought antihistamines so I could enjoy the spring flowers. Now I can admire them without sneezing—provided I can stay awake.

I put up a scarecrow to protect my spring veggie patch. The cockatoos love it.
Finally, somewhere to sit while they eat my tomatoes.

I asked the bloke at the nursery for something I couldn’t kill. He pointed to a concrete garden gnome.

The birds are looking for a mate this spring. One’s been screaming outside my window since five. I can see why he’s single.

My wife said we needed to freshen up the house for spring. I opened a window. Apparently, she’d budgeted considerably more.

My wife said, “It’s October! Time to get rid of everything that’s been sitting around doing nothing all winter.”

I’ve never got off the couch so quickly.

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