A new recruit is invited to his first football training session. He struts onto the oval full of confidence.

The coach says, “Welcome Jack. Show us what you’re made of. Can you find the chest of another player with the ball?”

Jack smiles and says, “Coach, if I can pass a class at school, I can pass a football.”

The other players laugh but the coach continues, “Alright, can you mark the ball?”

Jack nods proudly, “Coach, I’ve been catching rides from my friends my whole life. I can certainly catch a ball!”

“Okay. Now what about tackling?”

Jack quips, “Of course. I just tackled a 20-piece box of chicken nuggets last night.”

The coach sighs, “Okay, last question: do you know the rules of the game?”

Jack pauses, scratches his head, and says, “Well, I know in soccer you don’t touch the ball with your hands, so I’m guessing you can in football!”

The coach turns to his assistant and says, “He might come in handy as one of the banner makers.”

Two mates are watching their local rugby club play on a Saturday afternoon.

One bloke says, “You know, my wife hates it when I go to a rugby game. She says I love it more than her.”

The other bloke asks, “Well, what did you say back?”

He replies, “I tried to explain. I told her I love her, but when it comes to excitement nothing beats scoring a try in the last minute to knock off our arch-rivals!”

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