A new recruit is invited to his first Aussie Rules football training session. He struts onto the oval full of confidence.

The coach says, “Welcome Jack. Show us what you’re made of. Can you find the chest of another player with the ball?”

Jack smiles and says, “Coach, if I can pass a class at school, I can pass a football.”

The other players laugh but the coach continues, “Alright, can you mark the ball?”

Jack nods proudly, “Coach, I’ve been catching rides from my friends my whole life. I can certainly catch a ball!”

“Okay. Now what about tackling?”

Jack quips, “Of course. I just tackled a 20-piece box of chicken nuggets last night.”

The coach sighs, “Okay, last question: do you know the rules of the game?”

Jack pauses, scratches his head, and says, “Well, I know in soccer you don’t touch the ball with your hands, so I’m guessing you can in football!”

The coach turns to his assistant and says, “He might come in handy as one of the banner makers.”

A small country rugby club was getting belted every week. They hadn’t won a game in forty years, and the players were starting to lose hope. One Saturday, they lined up against their fiercest rivals, a team twice their size.

The coach gave one final pep talk: “Fellas, just give it everything. And remember, if you can’t win … at least make sure they can’t walk home comfortably. If you get my meaning!”

The match began. Predictably, the opposition crashed through them like a herd of bulls. But somehow, in the second half, their winger — the smallest bloke on the field — grabbed the ball and bolted. The crowd roared. Nobody could believe it — he was clear! He was going to score!

He sprinted 50 metres, 60 metres, 70 metres … the try line was within sight. Then suddenly, he stopped and just stood there, staring at the grass. The stadium gasped. The coach was screaming, the players were waving their arms and yelling, “Run! Run!”

Finally, one of his teammates yelled: “Why did you stop?”

The winger shrugged and said: “I’ve never been this far down the field before. What do I do now?”

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