Have you heard the one about?

Majellan jokes have been a favourite with our readers for many years.

My children are always on the defensive. One morning I shook my ten-year-old and said, “Wake up. I want to show you something.”

He said, “What?”

I said, “The break of day.”

He said, “I wasn’t near it!”               

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Garage mechanic to car owner: “My advice, sir, is that you keep the oil and change the car.”

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You can save yourself a lot of unnecessary bother if you remember that people are not going to take your advice unless you are a lawyer or a doctor and charge them for it.

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Two goats were munching on discarded films from a Hollywood studio.

“How do you like it?”

“I liked the book better.”

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Politicians are well enough informed on the questions of the day. It’s the answers that stump them.

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The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbours.

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A man phoned a psychiatrist. “Doctor, my wife needs help. She thinks she’s a horse.”

The doctor heard a few more details and said, “Mmm, it sounds serious. The treatment could take a long time and could be very costly.”

The man answered, “Money’s no object. She’s won her last three starts.”

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A suggestion for hassled parents. It may be good to follow both directions on the headache tablet bottle: “Take two tablets” and “Keep away from children”.

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The other planets may not be able to support life – but it isn’t easy on this planet either.

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Quotes from church notice boards:

Come in and have a faith lift.

We are open between Easter and Christmas.

If you don’t need God, bring a friend who does.

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Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you’ve been up to.


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