A farmer and his wife went to a local fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

“Two hundred dollars for three minutes,” replied the pilot.

“That’s too much,” said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for three minutes without uttering a sound, it will be free. But if you make a sound, you’ll have to pay me $500.”

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride with the pilot turning the plane upside down and twisting through the air. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, “I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. That was a great effort.”

“Thanks” said the farmer, “But I gotta say, I almost lost it when my wife fell out.”

The judge addressed Mr Hockey, who was in court on serious charges.

 “Mr Hockey you’re charged with attacking your wife … and with a hammer.”

Someone at the back of the courtroom yelled, “You rotten good for nothing.”

The judge said, “You’re also charged with chasing your mother-in-law around your house with the same hammer.”

The voice in the back of the courtroom yelled again, “You disgusting wretch!”

The judge stopped and said to the man shouting at the back of the courtroom. “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?”

The man stood up and said, “I’m terribly sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I’ve lived next door to this lying ratbag, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”

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