A man walks into a bar and sits down. He says to the bartender, “I’d like a bar of chocolate.”

The bartender replies, “Sure, the vending machine is over there.”

So, the man walks over to the machine and as he is about to buy some chocolate, the machine suddenly says, “You sugar-loving idiot!”

The man says with surprise in his voice, “That’s not very nice.” He returns to his bar stool without a chocolate and asks the bartender for some peanuts.

The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts say, “Ooh, I like your hair.”

The man says to the bartender, “Hey, what’s going on here? Your vending machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why?”

The bartender replies, “Oh, that’s because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.”

How do you turn white chocolate into dark chocolate?

Turn off the light.

A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”

“That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

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