The doctor says to his patient. “I can’t determine the cause of your illness with certainty, but it would be best if you cut your alcohol consumption and we’ll see if it improves.”

The old woman replies, “Can’t I just increase it and we’ll see if it gets worse?”

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit walk into a bar

The Bartender says, “Is this one tab or three?”

They reply, “Yes.”

A man in his sixties decides to go to confession for the first time in many years. He enters the confessional, and to his utter astonishment he sees a shelf with cigars, whiskey, and chocolate.

Soon after the priest enters the confessional and the man says, “Father, this is great! Things have changed a lot since I was last here.”

Grumpily, the priest replies, “Get out. You’re on the wrong side.”

My boss pulled me into his office and said, “Look, a few colleagues haven’t been speaking very fondly of you recently.”

“What are you talking about?” I replied. “Give me names, please.”

He said, “Well one called you a ‘petty ratbag’ and the other a ‘zealous moron’.”

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