Two mates in their seventies, Jack and Ron, decided it was finally time to join a gym.

The young trainer asked, “What’s your fitness goal?”

Jack replied, “To stand up without making that little ‘ahhh’ noise.”

“What noise?”

Jack slowly got out of the chair.

“Damn …  ahhh … crikey …”

The trainer nodded. “We’ll work on that.”

After twenty minutes they staggered out, sore from head to toe.

The next morning Jack rang Ron.

“How are you feeling?”

“Mate,” Ron groaned, “I sneezed this morning and did a hammy.”

“So … are we going back to the gym?”

There was a long pause.

Ron sighed and said, “Only if they install escalators between the car park and the front door.”

And a few one liners ….

I don’t need a personal trainer—gravity already keeps me down.

Romance after 60? Candlelight dinners before 7 pm.

My memory is so good … I can remember things that never even happened!

My mirror and I are no longer on speaking terms.

I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.

We still hold hands—mostly to keep each other from falling.

What’s a senior’s favourite destination? Anywhere with a senior discount.

I finally got my head together… now my body is falling apart.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.

I’ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.

I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.

My body is a temple … ancient and slightly crumbling.

I know I’m old—my back goes out more than I do!

Grandparents’ advice: “Eat dessert first, life’s too short!”

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