Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands on, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, “Where is God?”

The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, “Where is God?”

The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, “What’s wrong?”

The crying boy replied, “We’re in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!”

Three men are travelling on a ship, when they are accosted by the Devil. The Devil proposes that if each man drops something into the sea and he cannot find it, he will be that man’s slave. If the Devil does find it, however, he will send them straight to hell. The first man drops a pure, clear diamond, and immediately is sent to hell. Trying to impress the Devil, the second man drops an expensive watch but is soon sent to hell. The third man fills a bottle with water and pours it into the sea yelling, “You think I’m a fool? Try finding that!”

During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgement, the priest said forcefully, “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement.” Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face.

The priest repeated his point louder. “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!”

The man nodded and smiled even more. This really got the priest wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum, “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!!!”

Though everyone else in the congregation was looking sombre, the man in front continued to smile. Finally, the priest stepped off the altar, stood in front of the man and shouted, “I said each member of this church is going to die!”

The man grinned from ear to ear. After Mass, the priest made a beeline for the man. “I don’t get it,” he said in frustration. “Whenever I said, ‘Each member of this church is going to die,’ your smile got bigger. Why?”

“I’m not a member of this parish,” the man replied.

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