A woman and her husband were at a group Reconciliation service for Easter at their local parish. Because they were so frail, they went into the confessional together. The woman tearfully admitted to the priest that she had shoplifted a can of peaches because she was hungry, and she had forgotten to bring cash to the grocery store. The priest gently asked how many peaches were in the can.

She sobbed and said, “Nine.”

The priest said that for her penance she would have to say nine Rosaries, “one for each peach.”

Just then the woman’s husband piped up, “Father,” he said ruefully, “She also stole a can of peas.”

And because it’s Easter …

How does an Easter chick dress for Sunday? Im-peck-ably.

Christmas does come before Easter in one place—but where? The dictionary!

What’s the best way to make Easter easier? Put an “i” where the “t” is.

How does Easter end? With an “R”!

Where does Easter take place every year? Where eggs marks the spot!

How can you make Easter preparations go faster? Use the eggs-press lane!

What do you call an Easter Bunny wearing a kilt? Hopscotch.

What should you do to prepare for all the Easter treats? Eggs-ercise!

What kind of jewellery is the best Easter gift? A 14-carrot gold necklace.

What happens if you get married on Easter? You live hoppily ever after.

Why is the Easter Bunny such a good listener? He’s all ears.

What did the frog say when he saw the Easter bunny? “Ra-bbit.”

Why did the Easter Bunny fail? He put all his eggs in one basket.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.

What do you get when you pour hot water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.

What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot? Nice gnawing you.

Why do you need an Easter egg hunting license? Because no poaching is allowed.

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