Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the bloke was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.”

He said, “Yes, but not in a row!”

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbour owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”

“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer.

“Nup,” replied the man.

“OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.

“But it’s only $500,” replied the man.

“Precisely. That will be his response and then you’ll have your proof!”

Two Irish brothers are travelling to Australia. Before they leave home,  their dad gives them some advice: “You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They’ll rob you blind. Don’t you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.”

At Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, “That’ll be twenty dollars, fellas.”

“Oh no you don’t! My dad warned me about you. You’ll only be getting fifteen dollars from me,” says one of the brothers.

“And you’ll only be getting fifteen from me,” adds the other brother.

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