Jokes A crook stuck a gun in the man’s ribs and said: “Hand over your phone and your money.” The man replied: “You can’t do this. I’m a Senator in Canberra.” The crook replied: “In that case, give me my money.” Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?” Student: “My […]
Jokes Teacher: “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” Timmy: “I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a policeman.” Teacher: “I didn’t know your father was a policeman.” Timmy: “He isn’t. He’s a burglar.” And some one liners … Why did the robber take a bath? Because he
Jokes A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created
Jokes On Ash Wednesday, Father O’Malley stood at the front of the church, pressing ashes onto foreheads and saying, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Such was the crowd; he’d been doing it for more than thirty minutes. His voice was tiring, his thumb was black as a chimney
Jokes A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence. “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.” How come oysters never donate to charity? Because they are shellfish. A boy is selling
Jokes A Texan rancher travels to Australia for a holiday. There he meets an Aussie farmer. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the station, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.
Jokes Australia Day is the one day of the year when: Thongs are the official dress code The barbecue gets more attention than your family Everyone suddenly remembers the words to the national anthem … at least the first verse It’s socially acceptable to drink before the sun is over the yardarm If the
Where’s my Christmas hat? It was Christmas Day at the Kennedy household, where everything was running exactly on schedule –30 minutes late – with a better than even chance that someone would cry before noon. The morning started peacefully. Dad tried to film everything but kept missing the moments because he couldn’t figure
Christmas Family chaos … a few thoughts! Every Christmas, my family says the same thing: “This year, we’re keeping it simple.”Which is hilarious, because by Christmas Eve, we’re still sprinting around the house like contestants on The Amazing Race: Holiday Panic Edition. Mum’s in the kitchen yelling, “WHO MOVED MY SPATULA?!” Dad’s trying to assemble
Peaceful family moments … My family tried to start a group chat to “stay connected.” Within five minutes, Dad muted it, Mum left it, and my sister reported it as spam. Honestly, it was the most accurate representation of our family dynamics yet. My family tried doing one of those DNA ancestry tests together. We were