Jokes It’s the first warm weekend of spring, and all the neighbours suddenly forget how to behave outdoors. The joggers come out like they’ve been training for the Olympics, couples can be heard arguing in the front yard, and some of the men are shirtless pretending to get up a sweat but are really swigging […]
Jokes A woman awoke excitedly on her birthday and announced enthusiastically to her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for my birthday! What do you think it means?” With certainty in his voice, the man said, “You’ll know tonight.” That evening the man came home with a small package and
Jokes A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”“John,” the new seaman replied.“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy rubbish they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and
Jokes Dave obtained a copy of an exam that his girlfriend Mabel had completed. One examiner gave her zero but another examiner gave Mabel a score of 100. Decide for yourself what Mabel deserved. Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? “His Last Battle.” Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Jokes Some silly one liners to celebrate International Day of Friendship … A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after a storm, and flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colours. My friend got taken to hospital because he’s convinced that he’s turned into a vacuum cleaner. Just phoned to
Jokes A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can’t
Jokes A highway police officer was sitting in his car, radar in his hand, when a car crawled past doing exactly 25 kilometres per hour in a 100 km zone. He blinked in astonishment. “Now that’s just as dangerous as speeding,” he muttered. He pulled the car over and walked up to the driver’s side
Jokes A man asked his wife one morning why she kept staring out of their loungeroom window. Taking a deep breath, she replied, “I’m really fed up with the state of Mrs Brown’s blinds. Mrs Perkins’ are not much better. And that Mrs Lewis – honestly! Look at her blinds. They are filthy. They’re
Jokes A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, “Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?” “Yes,” the professor answered sadly. “When I was a young candidate at Saint John’s Hospital, we played soccer against a team from the local community
Jokes A wealthy man died and went to heaven. He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter, who welcomed him warmly and told him he will be taken to his ‘forever’ heavenly dwelling. He then led him down the streets of gold. They passed castle after fantastic castle, then huge mansion after mansion,