Jokes On Ash Wednesday, Father O’Malley stood at the front of the church, pressing ashes onto foreheads and saying, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Such was the crowd; he’d been doing it for more than thirty minutes. His voice was tiring, his thumb was black as a chimney […]
Jokes A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence. “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.” How come oysters never donate to charity? Because they are shellfish. A boy is selling
Jokes A Texan rancher travels to Australia for a holiday. There he meets an Aussie farmer. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the station, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.
Jokes Australia Day is the one day of the year when: Thongs are the official dress code The barbecue gets more attention than your family Everyone suddenly remembers the words to the national anthem … at least the first verse It’s socially acceptable to drink before the sun is over the yardarm If the
Where’s my Christmas hat? It was Christmas Day at the Kennedy household, where everything was running exactly on schedule –30 minutes late – with a better than even chance that someone would cry before noon. The morning started peacefully. Dad tried to film everything but kept missing the moments because he couldn’t figure
Christmas Family chaos … a few thoughts! Every Christmas, my family says the same thing: “This year, we’re keeping it simple.”Which is hilarious, because by Christmas Eve, we’re still sprinting around the house like contestants on The Amazing Race: Holiday Panic Edition. Mum’s in the kitchen yelling, “WHO MOVED MY SPATULA?!” Dad’s trying to assemble
Peaceful family moments … My family tried to start a group chat to “stay connected.” Within five minutes, Dad muted it, Mum left it, and my sister reported it as spam. Honestly, it was the most accurate representation of our family dynamics yet. My family tried doing one of those DNA ancestry tests together. We were
Jokes Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If
Jokes Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands on, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, “Where is God?” The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, “Where is God?” The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where
Jokes The doctor says to his patient. “I can’t determine the cause of your illness with certainty, but it would be best if you cut your alcohol consumption and we’ll see if it improves.” The old woman replies, “Can’t I just increase it and we’ll see if it gets worse?” The Father, the