Jokes Ever since Austin was a child, he had a fear someone or something was lurking under his bed at night. So, he finally went to a psychiatrist and told him about his problem. “Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it,” Austin explained. “I’m scared. I think I’m […]
Jokes A woman is walking through the park when she sees an attractive man sitting on a bench. He’s reading a book and eating fruit. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, and says, “Sorry to bother you. I know this may be
Jokes Because today is International Wellness Day … Why is it so hard to trust atoms? Because they make everything up! I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. Now she looks surprised. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick. What do you call a fake noodle going to a spa? An
Jokes Life’s short. Smile while you still have teeth. I need a six-month vacation, twice a year. I tried cooking something from scratch once. The fire department wasn’t impressed. You know you’re getting old when your back goes out more than you do. If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving
Jokes It’s April Fool’s Day so let’s celebrate … Did you hear about the goats that got in trouble for playing pranks on April Fools’? It turned out to be a couple of kids. Two guys walk into a bar on April Fools’ Day. The third one ducked. I told a chemistry
Jokes What did one plate say to the other plate?“Dinner’s on me.” What do you call a lazy kangaroo?A pouch potato. Why did the student eat his homework?Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake. Why did the car get a flat tyre? Because there was a fork in
Jokes I told my mum I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. She said, “Well, you can’t put it down, can you?” My family is so traditional. We still believe in the ancient art of “knock before entering.” I asked my brother if he could help me with maths. He said, “I can’t count
Jokes I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y. Want to hear a joke about construction? … I’m still working on it. I used to hate facial hair—but then it grew on me. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, they won’t fit me. I ordered a
Jokes A crook stuck a gun in the man’s ribs and said: “Hand over your phone and your money.” The man replied: “You can’t do this. I’m a Senator in Canberra.” The crook replied: “In that case, give me my money.” Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?” Student: “My
Jokes Teacher: “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” Timmy: “I want to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a policeman.” Teacher: “I didn’t know your father was a policeman.” Timmy: “He isn’t. He’s a burglar.” And some one liners … Why did the robber take a bath? Because he