Jokes A new recruit is invited to his first Aussie Rules football training session. He struts onto the oval full of confidence. The coach says, “Welcome Jack. Show us what you’re made of. Can you find the chest of another player with the ball?” Jack smiles and says, “Coach, if I can pass a class […]
Jokes The other day I told my nine year-old and my twelve-year-old, “Being a dad is like being a magician.” They looked at me, confused. I said, “Think about it: I can make food disappear and I can make money vanish instantly.” The oldest asked, “Okay, but what about magic tricks?” I said, “Oh, I
Jokes We can’t let Father’s Day go by without a dad joke … (and a bad one at that!) Dad decides it’s time to give his teenage children, Tom and Lauren, “the perfect Saturday.”He wakes them up early and says, “Get dressed, we’re going on an adventure!” They are immediately suspicious. “Where are
Jokes It’s the first warm weekend of spring, and all the neighbours suddenly forget how to behave outdoors. The joggers come out like they’ve been training for the Olympics, couples can be heard arguing in the front yard, and some of the men are shirtless pretending to get up a sweat but are really swigging
Jokes A woman awoke excitedly on her birthday and announced enthusiastically to her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for my birthday! What do you think it means?” With certainty in his voice, the man said, “You’ll know tonight.” That evening the man came home with a small package and
Jokes A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”“John,” the new seaman replied.“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy rubbish they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and
Jokes Dave obtained a copy of an exam that his girlfriend Mabel had completed. One examiner gave her zero but another examiner gave Mabel a score of 100. Decide for yourself what Mabel deserved. Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? “His Last Battle.” Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Jokes Some silly one liners to celebrate International Day of Friendship … A friend of mine did his pilot’s exam just after a storm, and flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colours. My friend got taken to hospital because he’s convinced that he’s turned into a vacuum cleaner. Just phoned to
Jokes A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can’t
Jokes A highway police officer was sitting in his car, radar in his hand, when a car crawled past doing exactly 25 kilometres per hour in a 100 km zone. He blinked in astonishment. “Now that’s just as dangerous as speeding,” he muttered. He pulled the car over and walked up to the driver’s side